Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize