oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Please, let me fuck your mom
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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