I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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