what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize