I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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