We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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