My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
