It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
