Need sex. Gaining weight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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