I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
