i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hello my rib-scented angel!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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