Tell her she can't have a vagina
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
