Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
