I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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