you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize