bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
