If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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