Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
