I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
