how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
