Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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