We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
