break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
