by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
