Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Come on in and take your pants off
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