found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's rum buckets o'clock
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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