My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
