someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
