We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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