Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
