Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
