literally had 100 drinks last night.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
