Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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