dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
