You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
