i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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