i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
