New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
