And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
