Betty ford says i'm here all night
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
