I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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