i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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