And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
