I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
