Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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