I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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