Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
