Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
