Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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