I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish my penis had an off switch
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
