I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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