So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
