Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
