I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
