after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
