Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
