There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
