What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
