new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
