Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
