I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Damn victory sex feels great
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Text me some of your sweat
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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