Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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