its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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