you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
