Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
