When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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