I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
