we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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