The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
