i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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