I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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