Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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