i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
