I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
