Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
