we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
